18.3.10

Bathroom Hang-Ups


Being at the bottom of a massive list of those that went before me, I thought that I knew just about all the pros and cons to pregnancy. I have heard the stories of happiness and the stories that make the most confident and capable person, tremble in their boots. I have seen DVD's that would make the most seasoned midwife blush and turn away from. I have cried with friends when they experienced loss and rejoiced with friends when miraculous blessings were handed to them by the gracious hand of God. However . . . there was one thing that I was not prepared for that hit me like a ton of bricks this morning . . .

Being a teacher, you have small windows of blessed opportunities to "rush" to the bathroom, quickly do your business, hopefully remember to wash your hands and practically sprint back to the classroom before chaos ensues. There is no time for lines, blunders, obstacles or hang-ups. To allow any of those to occur, would be utterly detrimental. So, this morning as I took care of "business" before the school day began, a blaring red flag waved victoriously in front of my eyes. What used to take me 2 and 1/2 minutes flat, will take me now, somewhere close to a very unacceptable 10 minutes to accomplish.

I count myself lucky to be 6 months pregnant and still able to fit in all of my pre-pregnancy pants. With the help of the trusty rubber band and loyal Bella Band, I can pretty much wear whatever I want. However, buttoning a button and pulling up a pair of pants, is a LOT quicker than fastening a rubber band into place through a series of loops and smoothing a Bella Band into place. Let me run you through both processes so that you may fully understand.
First, non-pregnancy pants for the non-pregnant individual, requires a total of 6 steps. #1 - pull up pants, #2 - button and zip pants, #3 - smooth shirt, #4 - walk out of stall, #5 - wash hands, #6 - leave bathroom and go back to class.Now, non-pregnancy pants with the Bella Band takes far more steps than a simple six. #1 - pull up pants, #2 - adjust pants, #3 - zip pants up as far as you can, #4 - fold left over zipper and button down so that the Bella Band can be put into place #5 - adjust pants, #6 - pull Bella Band into place, #7 - adjust pants, #8 - adjust the folded flap, #9 - fold top portion of Bella Band down, #10 - adjust pants, #11 - pull undershirt down so that it covers said Bella Band, #12 - adjust shirt, #13 - adjust pants, #14 - pull top shirt down, #15 - walk out of stall, #16 - wash hands, #17 - adjust pants, #18 - pray that the Bella Band works and does not leave you in a compromising position with a classroom full of 6th grade students, #19 - adjust pants, #20 - go back to class

I am tired thinking about it all . . . .

4 comments:

Candace Tallmon said...

I started snorting towards the end. I don't know how many times you had "adjust pants" in there, but it brought it all back. (wondering though, you mentioned folding your pants down.. I always held them up and covered with the Bella band.. I never even though to try it the other way)

liltleli said...

I find that it is less cumbersome if I fold the pants down as opposed to leaving them up. If I don't, they get a bunchy and me no likey.

Jerry said...

Absolutely hilarious! I can only imagine. Any one of those 20 steps going off the rails and it's curtains for you!

--dad

Corrina said...

Maybe it's time to try some maternity pants! I know I had to be in them by about 25wks. Gap maternity was always my favorite. I tried to buy stuff on sale, but I would pay full price for their jeans...good usage! I would order lots of stuff in various sizes to get the right fit...then use free returns for what I didn't keep.